How to find love: 10 tips for achieving romantic fulfilment

How to find love: 10 tips for achieving romantic fulfilment Rather than waiting for Cupid to strike, live a full life that may attract someone special when you least expect it Finding true and lasting love is a top priority for many of us, but it’s not always easy to achieve. If you’re widowed or dating post divorce, you may not feel motivated to go on countless dates with new people. However, sex and relationship coach Angela Vossen believes there are practical ways to build your confidence. How to find love “The best way to find love is to enjoy life to the fullest, rather than forcing a relationship into your life,” Angela explains. “Stop looking for someone to complete you and start becoming someone you actually enjoy spending time with,” she adds. “Love finds its way to people who are already living, not to those who have put their lives on hold waiting for it to arrive.” She adds that life-changing love rarely lands on your doorstep; it tends to turn up in the places you haven’t been yet. “Say yes to things that make you slightly uncomfortable. Join the club, attend the event, download the app you’ve been dismissing,” Angela adds. “And when you do meet someone interesting, be curious rather than trying to be impressive. Ask questions you actually want the answers to. Listen as though what they are saying matters, because if there’s real connection there, it does.” With this in mind, here are 10 essential tips to finding love and building a fulfilling relationship. 10 tips for finding love 1. Prioritise self-love and confidence It’s true that confidence can be incredibly attractive. When you care for yourself, it sets a precedent for how you expect others to treat you, too. There are lots of ways you can show yourself love, from doing things that bring you joy, to spending time with people that make you feel good, and taking care of yourself with exercise and nutrition. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be much more likely to attract like-minded people with a similar energy. 2. Focus on being yourself The right person for you will love you exactly as you are, so always focus on being your authentic self when looking for love. While it’s natural to want to show a highlight reel of your life, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable too and share the less impressive parts that make you human. Trying to change or hide things about yourself to impress others may work in the short term, but genuine love should always be based on authenticity, not a fantasy. It’s worth remembering that the rough edges are often where trust and genuine connections are made. 3. Use online dating effectively Online dating can be a very effective way of finding a potential romantic partner. Research from 2023 showed that 11.1 million people in the UK use dating sites. This figure is expected to rise to 12 million by 2028. Telegraph Dating alone has helped tens of thousands of people start their online dating adventures, resulting in many happy and lasting relationships, not to mention weddings and babies. 4. Actively build connections Aside from online dating, actively building new connections is a good way to enrich your life. When you don’t micro focus on solely finding love and instead focus on just getting out there and meeting new people, you’ll naturally expand your network and the likelihood of meeting a potential romantic partner. Not sure where to start? Try out new hobbies, join clubs, and look at local volunteering events. This will help you naturally expand your social circle and opportunities to meet new people. Read more: 5. Learn from past relationships Everyone can learn something from past relationships. Whatever note you and your ex ended on, think about what went well and what didn’t. This will help you have a clear idea of what you want from your next romantic partner and the things you might change this time around. 6. Embrace vulnerability in love Dating and meeting new people does require a certain amount of vulnerability, so if you're still feeling guarded after the end of a relationship, you may need more time to work through those difficult feelings. But if you’re ready, consider what you’re comfortable sharing and at what point you might open up more. Sharing all of your vulnerabilities may not be something you do on a first date, but it’s an important way of deepening a relationship and building trust further down the line. 7. Seek support from friends and family If you’re open to meeting someone new or have signed up to a dating site, tell your friends and family. Seeking this support and having people to talk about it with will not only give you greater accountability, but it will also help to navigate the ups and downs of dating life with those you trust the most. How to build lasting love If you’ve been dating for a while but are struggling to turn anything into a lasting relationship, it may be time to take stock of what you’re actually looking for. Here are a few pointers to consider: 8. Understand what loves means to you Love can mean something slightly different to everyone so it’s a good idea to think about what it looks like for you. Perhaps it’s peaceful companionship and loyalty, or that big romance you’ve always dreamed of. Maybe it’s simply finding someone that makes you feel safe and understood. Write down a few things that immediately spring to mind or chat about it with a trusted friend. You may be surprised at what comes up. Read more: How to know if you love someone 9. Identify what you want in a long-term partner Likewise, it’s important to think about what you want in a long-term partner. This will help you think more clearly when you start dating and meeting new people. It can also help to avoid falling into old patterns and missing relationship red flags. For instance, perhaps in previous relationships you never felt like a priority and want to find someone that truly values you. Or you really want a partner that enjoys new adventures and embracing life to the fullest. This will keep you laser focused on what you want and the key attributes and values to look out for. 10. Strengthen your communication skills While some of us are great communicators and can perfectly articulate our feelings, others may need a bit of help. It’s important to communicate effectively from the start of your dating journey, from your first message to a potential match onwards. When you meet someone new and go on dates, give yourself permission to speak openly. Communicate what you’re looking for and what your values are. This also works both ways so ask the same of your date and actively listen to their answers. If you’re concerned about your communication skills, ask friends and family to give you some feedback. This will help you identify potential blind spots and make you aware of habits you have such as taking days to reply to a text, oversharing when nervous, or shutting down when asked about difficult topics such as divorce. FAQs Angela says that you’re probably ready for a committed relationship when you can answer yes to three things. Do I actually like myself? Can I hold space for another person’s needs without abandoning my own? Am I choosing this from desire rather than fear? “That last one is the most important,” she says. “A lot of people pursue commitment because they are afraid of being alone, of being left behind, of what others will think. That’s a shaky foundation. A relationship entered from fear tends to produce a lot of anxiety and very little joy.” Another thing Angela advises thinking about is if you can have a difficult conversation without it becoming a catastrophe. “Can you ask for what you need, hear something hard about yourself, sit with discomfort without lashing out or shutting down?” Angela explains that these are the behaviours a committed relationship requires. “Readiness doesn’t mean you’re healed from everything or have no unresolved history. It means you’re self-aware enough to bring those things into a relationship without expecting a partner to fix them.” Are you wondering if the feelings you have for someone are love or just infatuation? Angela says there are some key ways you can tell the difference. Infatuation, she says, comes with intrusive thoughts, butterflies, someone taking up all the available mental bandwidth in your brain. “That’s real, but it’s also temporary by design. It’s your nervous system doing its job,” she explains. “What I’d look for underneath that is something quieter. Do you feel safe with this person? Do you like who you are around them? Can you be mundane together, not just electric? Are you genuinely rooting for their happiness, not just how it interacts with yours?” Love, she explains, in its more durable form is less a feeling and more a decision you keep making. “But the feeling matters,” she adds. “If you’re asking whether it’s love, pay attention to what your body knows before your mind catches up.” “I understand why people ask this, but it’s the wrong question,” says Angela. “There’s no timeline, and the belief that there is one causes a lot of unnecessary suffering”. She adds that when we’re convinced we should have found it by now, we stop dating from a place of genuine interest and start dating from a place of urgency. “That urgency is one of the most effective ways to repel the very thing you’re looking for,” she says. “In the meantime, don’t put the rest of your life on hold. Travel, take the course, move house, change career, do the things that are genuinely yours to do. People who are visibly engaged in their own lives are far more attractive than people who are visibly waiting.” Angela stresses that the conditions under which love tends to arrive are curiosity, openness, and a life that’s full enough not to need it. “Create those conditions, and love becomes possible.” Part of the reason that finding real love can seem hard is because we’ve been sold an idea of love as something that happens to us, rather than something we actively participate in and build. “Films end at the beginning with the promise of ‘happy ever after’ but they tend not to show what that happy looks like, how it changes over time, and sell the false idea that if it’s not for ever after, it wasn’t the real deal,” she explains. “Nobody’s making content about the Tuesday evenings when it’s all a bit flat and you choose each other anyway. Or the love that eventually ends not because it wasn’t real or wasn’t valuable but because we’ve now outgrown the version of ourselves that it went with.” “There’s also the paradox of abundance,” she continues. “Dating apps mean we’re technically exposed to more potential partners than any previous generation, but that volume can create a consumer mindset where everyone is perpetually auditioning and nobody is committing”. She explains that the temptation to keep scrolling in case something better comes along can be corrosive, both to the people we’re meeting and to our own sense of what is enough. Finally, it’s important to consider the internal work. “A lot of us carry relational patterns from early life that we’re not even aware of. We recreate familiar dynamics rather than healthy ones, then wonder why we keep ending up in the same place with different people,” she explains. “Finding love often requires understanding ourselves well enough to interrupt those patterns.” If we’ve inspired you to get out there and meet someone special, you can kick-start your search with Telegraph Dating. With more than 220,000 single people, Telegraph Dating is the perfect place to find romance.