'We’ve been dating a month and he’s already lied to me'

Dear Coleen, I’ve been seeing someone for about a month. I’ve told him about my past relationships and what I went through. I said I wanted to take things slowly but, after some words of wisdom from his best friend, I chose to just go for it and we had sex. We’ve both fallen for each other and I already have deep feelings for him, but the other day we got into a conversation about TikTok and I saw he had a woman’s name underneath his. I asked him who she was and his reply was, “Why?” He then admitted they’d been together, but she was controlling so he ended it. Things felt a bit awkward afterwards but then returned to normal. Then, the other night my best friend told me she’d looked him up on Facebook and saw the TikTok woman had posted on his page, declaring her love for him. My heart feels broken, my head feels messy. I know he’s cheated in his past relationships. He also told me he doesn’t use Facebook, yet I found out he does. We’ve barely spoken since all this came to light. We’ve arranged to talk soon, but I feel sick. How do I approach the situation and what do I say to him? Coleen says, I think it’s worrying that he’s lied to you right at the start of the relationship, and maybe he’s been telling you what you want to hear to keep you on board. Who knows what he’s saying to this other woman to keep her on board! Look, we all have a past and, if he hadn’t lied to you, then I’d be suggesting you give him a chance to prove he’s worthy of your trust. However, it does seem that things might not be over with this other woman – certainly not in her eyes. So, be upfront. Have a conversation with him, tell him what you’ve found out and heard, explain that he’s broken your trust and that it’s set you back massively. Give him an opportunity to explain, but if he gets defensive and doesn’t offer an honest answer, then I’d run a mile. He’s showing you who he is and it’s giving red flags all over the place. If he really likes you, then he should be pulling out all the stops to find a way to show you he’s changed and that this relationship is important to him. If you decide to move forward with him, then be cautious and don’t get back into bed with him unless you’re satisfied that things are fully over with this woman. Coleen’s words of wisdom How can you think positively when you don’t feel, um, positive? When you get a negative thought, don’t stew on it – replace it with a positive one. Remind yourself regularly of what’s good in your life and be with people who bring positive energy.