'So embarrassed after accidentally proposing to him'

Dear Coleen, Last weekend, my boyfriend and I were away at a lovely hotel, celebrating a birthday for him and a job promotion for me. We were having such a great time that I accidentally on purpose blurted out: “Will you marry me?” when we were mucking around in the hotel swimming pool. I got carried away in the moment, but it came from the heart and I never expected him to turn me down. All he said was: “Are you joking? Eh, maybe not yet.” I felt embarrassed and hurt. We have been talking about the future quite a lot recently, including weddings and babies, so it’s not like it came out of nowhere. Even though it was spontaneous, it came from the heart and I did mean it. We haven’t spoken about it since and, if I’m honest, I’ve been sulking a bit. I don’t doubt he loves me and our relationship is solid, but why didn’t he just say yes? It’s all a bit awkward. I’m too embarrassed to even tell my mates about it, so I’m now just stewing on it by myself and overthinking it all. What’s your opinion? Coleen says, I think the way you’re feeling may be down to ego and pride – it really hurts when we get knocked back. You’re thinking: “Why wouldn’t he marry me tomorrow?” rather than thinking logically about what actually happened. He didn’t say “no”, or, “never”, but he might have been thrown in the moment, as it was so unexpected and you said it lightheartedly, hence he thought you might be joking. But I don’t think it’s good to dodge the conversation and pretend the proposal never happened. Ask him some questions – what did he mean by “not yet”? Have a grown-up discussion about the future. Tell him you’re not going to ask him that question again, but you’re still committed to the relationship, which puts the ball in his court. Also, maybe he would have liked to propose to you and it’s ruined it for him. But I think you should be honest, saying that by dodging the question or not taking it seriously, he’s made you feel a bit insecure, as if marriage isn’t even on his agenda. Address it rather than overthinking it. If you both love each other, then stop trying to guess what the other one is thinking and just be honest. Coleen’s words of wisdom When you’re feeling a little insecure, remember this: self-doubt is a reflection of your fears and not your capabilities. You’re also allowed to learn and grow, and that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.