'Nightcaps' is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk. It runs Monday–Friday on OutKick.com.
Over the hump and safely through to the other side of the week. We're eight days away from August. Down here in Florida, that means we're about a week away from the real start of hurricane season.
Technically, it started on June 1. But us Sunshine State vets know the real season goes from about Aug. 1 through October. The Tropics wake up when the calendar turns to August. They really wake up around Labor Day.
Once in a while, they'll stay asleep until a few weeks before Halloween. Those are the absolute worst.
Anyway, it's been a quiet summer thus far. Always is. But there are storms coming. This is why we GRIND.
Let's roll.
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps — the one where Smokin' Hot LPGA golfer Charley Hull suffered one of the most brutal quadruple bogeys I've ever seen during this morning's Scottish Open.
I'd quit.
What else? I've got a Red Sox prospect hitting a tank and then slapping the catcher, USA Today's Nancy Armour being an absolute lunatic, the Big Js harassing Sophie Cunningham, and can I interest anyone in some Angel Reese bikini pics before the All-Star break?
Didn't think so! Too bad.
Grab you some vanilla ice cream for National Vanilla Ice Cream Day, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
First of all — how great is my state? Goodness, I will never leave. The most innovative state in America, by a mile. Can't believe I hadn't thought of that!
Secondly ... I did my Mount Rushmore of Ice Cream Flavors last week, so no need to rehash for Vanilla Ice Cream Day. I will say, in the pantheon of the "Big Three" ice cream flavors (strawberry, vanilla and chocolate), vanilla is easily — easily — No. 1.
Nobody's ever said, "I don't like vanilla ice cream." It might be boring, but it gets the job done in any situation. It's not going to win any awards, but it's always going to be in the mix.
And that's your ice cream Ted Talk for the day. You're welcome!
Now, let's get this class started with golfer Charley Hull — famous for ripping cigarettes on the course — grinding through the worst quadruple bogey I've ever seen in the UK today:
Lordy. The movement on the initial putt is just absurd. That green should be illegal. And then the three failed chips. Just a brutal hole, and some brutal conditions.
Hell of a quadruple bogey save from Charley, though. I would've already been in the next tee box getting ready to rip one to the moon. Good for her.
Speaking of hitting things to the moon and being frustrated, let's check in on Boston's No. 3 prospect, Justin Gonzales, who belted a home run to Virginia last night, and then promptly ignited a brawl after touching them all.
What a scene!
There is SO much going on there, I don't even know where to begin.
For starters ... what a call by those minor league announcers! I was ready to run through a brick wall. Electric.
But how about the slap from Gonzales? Not a punch. A slap. So degrading. So humiliating. He's such a large human (6-5, 260), it's almost impossible not to get in his way.
Finally, Look at the umpire. He attempts to stand in the middle of the two, but quickly retreats. He couldn't abandon ship fast enough. He was outta there.
That's what we call a "business decision," folks. I don't blame him. Fight or flight, and he wasn't gonna win that fight.
Let's get Justin Gonzales to Fenway this weekend and start a new winning streak! Trade deadline be damned. We already have our ace in the hole down in South Carolina.
OK, let's rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night. First up? The WNBA is an absolute embarrassment, Part 1:
That's an actual paragraph from insufferable USA Today columnist Nancy Armour's latest drivel, in which she asserts that Clark’s reactions to missed calls put "Black" and "queer" WNBA players "in danger," essentially blaming her for alleged racist messages sent by people she doesn’t know and hasn't publicly condemned.
What a lunatic. What a nutbag. Here's my one Nancy Armour story. If you've been in this class for a while now, you've probably already heard it, so feel free to skip to the next chapter.
At my previous job at the Daytona Beach News-Journal, I somehow became the sports editor for about a year. Incredible, right?
Anyway, I was in charge of putting together what would appear in our newspaper section the next day (newspapers!), and this was during the awful COVID era when vaccines were a huge topic.
Nancy spent weeks obsessing over all the "anti-vax" athletes, and would occasionally write something dumb about them. One day, she took aim at Aaron Rodgers (of course), and it appeared in our next day's paper.
I was so annoyed and exhausted by her (as was our 80-year-old readership), that I told the page designer that I didn't want one more Nancy Armour in my section. Not one single byline.
Our readers, naturally, were thrilled. Believe me, I heard from them. It lasted about a week until the higher-ups at USA Today caught wind of it and asked me about it. I told them how insufferable she was, and then they hemmed and hawed and eventually said I couldn't ban her.
That's how insane they are over there. That, by the way, is why I ended up at OutKick about five months later.
Best decision of my life.
OK, story time is OVER! Next? The WNBA is an absolute embarrassment, Part II:
Just listen to those weirdos. They are FURIOUS with Sophie Cunningham. They can't believe someone dare speak out against the machine.
"I said what I said. It's common sense."
Lordy, they are fuming right now. It's the best. Sophie is the best. God bless her.
OK, that's it for today. Good work, everyone. Let's end our day by checking in with Angel Reese posting thirst traps to social media even though she once famously complained about people "sexualizing" her.
Okeedokee.
Is Nancy Armour insane? Email me at [email protected].