Parents of SEND kids would rather go to jail than send their children back to mainstream schools

Worried parents of children with special educational needs and disabilities are urging the PM to meet them, as one mum says of mainstream schooling: "I'd rather go to jail than send my child back into hell". In an open letter from more than 150 families they are begging Andy Burnham to meet him in the first 100 days of his leadership, as parents are left "on their knees" dealing with a broken system and children suffering suicidal thoughts. The Government has proposed a significant overhaul of the Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) system. The reforms aim to shift the burden of SEND support into mainstream education and the white paper’s consultation is due to end at the end of this month. Laura Mayes, 34, from Leicestershire, has three children aged 10, seven and two years old: "My boys are in specialist education now and it’s a real worry they are going to take that away from them. I would rather go to jail than send them into hell every day.” She recalled how in mainstream schools both the children and parents turned against her eldest, who is autistic. She was forced to pull him out of mainstream education when he was five years old. “Society didn’t accept them, the children did not accept him, they were not nice to him. And the parents were vile to me, the stares I got. He was normally a happy little soul but he started saying ‘no I don’t want to go to school’ and he would throw his shoes. “It was so bad my mum had to do the school run with me. I felt so nervous every single day. So many parents were just having a go at me all the time.” She said the teachers told her other pupils would try to ‘rile’ her son up: “When he got into a specialist school I could breathe again.” But she said it took a year of him being out of school to sort out the placement. Tracy Winchester, 46, from Worcestershire, has spent years fighting to get the right support for her two children, who are both autistic and cannot attend mainstream schools. The mum, who runs support groups for thousands of SEND families, told the Mirror: “It’s really brutal out there at the moment and these parents are on their knees." She says there is "no funding and no accountability". The mum, from Bromsgrove, whose teenage son and daughter Maive, 11, both have special educational needs, says there are "more families in crisis" than ever before. She explains her family had to sell ‘everything’ to pay out more than £50,000 including a private diagnosis to avoid the two-year NHS waiting list. “Parents are phoning me in tears, they are at their lowest point, at the point where they need to fight. They’ve been threatened with fines for absences, it’s absolutely ridiculous. There’s children expressing suicidal thoughts. We’ve even had members of our support group where a father took his own life, that’s the real cost of this. Every service they go to is shutting its doors in their face, it’s absolutely horrific. I really do fear there will be a generation of kids lost." Lisa Smith, 49, from Redditch, Worcestershire, whose 15 year old daughter is autistic, said she has been out of school for two years. “It’s abysmal to the point he has made me so ill I’ve had to have months off work,” because of her problems with mainstream schooling. “You are constantly made to feel it’s your parenting at fault. I just wanted someone to understand my daughter. I was told they were not prepared to ‘wrap her in cotton wool. She needs to be a fully formed adult’. “I would tell them, she doesn’t react very well to shouting, even if it's not aimed at her. They told me it’s probably because we hadn’t prepared her for a world where shouting happened. Someone else said SEND parents are very needy and expect everything to be put in place. It was horrendous.” She says her daughter was in top set for everything, adding: “She went from waiting to be an architect at school to saying she doesn’t see the point in living past 20 because she doesn’t feel she will ever achieve anything because of her anxiety. She is constantly being told through the actions of education that she doesn’t count. I don’t know how to fight against that. We are not asking for the world, we just want someone to acknowledge that our child counts and we demonstrate to her that her needs are not writing her off.” The letter from the SEND parents to the PM said: "Many of our children can't attend mainstream schools. Too few have access to local specialist schools that meet their needs, so many are at home with us. We've given up jobs, accumulated debts, and spent years battling an unaccountable SEND system to secure the basic education our children deserve. We'd do it all again in a heartbeat, because no parent can stand by while their child is struggling. But now, things are getting even worse. "Since Reform UK took over our council(s), we've seen SEND capital budgets cut, school transport withdrawn, vital assessments delayed or refused, and parents criticised simply for standing up for their children's rights. We've even been accused of trying to "hijack" the SEND system when all we want is the best for our kids: for them to be happy, safe and able to learn. It's heartbreaking, and we're fearful for our children's future. " "...We're not against change. But we are terrified that the current SEND reforms will leave our children with fewer legal protections than they have today. Before any decisions are made, we're urging you to hear directly from the families who live with the consequences every day." Mum-of-two Carole Kennedy, 58, from Ashford in Kent, says her youngest, Jadie, 22, is transgender and has special educational needs but has seen her college place under threat. She said Kent County Council, which is Reform controlled, have made “awful” cuts. Her daughter is due to start at a special needs college to study music which is 90 minutes away. “I’m at my wits end. She’s been rejected from transport and she’s had that from the age of four. I did my form and it was rejected. I’ve sent in some more evidence and I’m still waiting. It's just too far away for me to take her. It’s four days a week and I am registered disabled. Everything is a struggle. “She might not be able to go [to college] if I can’t get transport. It's an hour and half on a train, on her own. It’s totally not safe for her. She’s got no social awareness. It’s frightening, she’s worried about going. I had a trial run and she didn't get off the train. It’s a nightmare. She doesn’t talk to people. Music is her passion and if she can’t go it will be harmful.” Dawn Style, 61, from Worcester, has four children with her youngest, aged 22 and still living with her. “It’s atrocious. Worcester are by far the worst, they are wearing SEND parents out. She’s been in the system for 19 years and in 2023 I took her for a dyslexia test. It came back that she had significant dyslexia and severe cognitive impairment. “It’s delay, delay, delay. Delay with diagnosis, delay in getting assessments for assisted technologies, delay in then getting this equipment. “As an ageing parent, I do fear for her. She may not be able to cope alone. There’s something massively failing in the system; they are not picking up things early enough.” Dan Boatright-Greene, 42, is a Worcestershire Councillor, who is a cabinet member for education, send and skills and has a neurological condition himself. He says he too is concerned about the Government’s White paper and the move back to mainstream: "If you want to go back to classes of 16 then it will work. But if you put me in a class of 30 I would have had so much fun but the teacher would have had a nervous breakout and I would have ended up suspended and expelled. “Teachers already under a huge amount of pressure now have to get them to do modules about complex needs as well. Where does the line between teacher and medical professional start and end? Councils and schools are overwhelmed. We have a legal obligation to provide the right education but not the funds to carry that out. “The kids are the ones who suffer followed by the parents. They are not getting the education they deserve and that means they won't get the job they want - 71 per cent of autistic adults are unemployed. That’s a terrifying statistic. Every day I feel we are a sneeze away from bankruptcy” and blames decades of “short term fixes”. “We have to acknowledge it’s bad. It will take 25 years to get this right. We must stop blaming the parents and start working with everybody to get the right education system.“ And asked about the parents saying they are being let down, he admits they have, adding: “It’s horrible and I genuinely stay up way too late to try and think of ways to fix things. This is a completely overwhelmed system. The whole system is broken and the white paper feels like a sticking plaster for the situation. It’s incredibly sad and a little bit depressing.” An Avaaz spokesperson, a campaigning organisation, said: "It's heartbreaking that parents up and down the country are worried sick about their children's futures. After years of being let down, many are now seeing the SEND system get worse under Reform, with parents being scapegoated for a crisis they didn't create. Andy Burnham must meet with these families in his first 100 days, listen to them, and make this the moment Britain chooses to do right by its children." A Reform UK spokesman said: “No Reform UK councils are cutting spending on SEND or children’s services. This simply isn’t possible under the current rules. In fact, across the board spending on SEND has risen by 58% over the last decade. “Reform councils have been doing fantastic work to improve SEND provision in the face of real-terms cuts in funding by this Labour government. Nottinghamshire opened up a flagship new specialist SEND school earlier this year, Leicestershire reduced the wait times for assessments from the 58 weeks they inherited to 18 weeks, and Lincolnshire launched a £101m investment programme in special schools creating over 500 new places. “We hope that these parents get the support they need and that the Prime Minister listens. Unfortunately, this government has so far shown no willingness to properly reform our broken SEND system.” A spokesperson for Kent County Council said: “Kent County Council has not withdrawn transport support for young people aged 16 and over with special educational needs and disabilities. "Councils have a duty to consider what support is necessary to help young people attend education, but there is no legal requirement to provide automatic transport after the age of 16. Historically, KCC has been able to offer a very generous discretionary package for some adult learners, particularly those with SEND and Education, Health and Care Plans, meaning their transport often continued much as it had before 16. "That level of support was never universal, and most Adult Learners – including many with SEND – already make their own travel arrangements. "What has changed is how support is provided. For sixth form age students, they will now be offered a personal transport budget rather than having transport automatically arranged. Adult learners are now asked to first seek help from their college or training provider through the 16–19 bursary fund. If this support is not enough, KCC may then consider a mileage payment, giving families greater flexibility and control. "Where an individual has the highest level of need, specialist transport can still be requested and will be provided where this is assessed as necessary. All transport decisions are subject to a statutory two‑stage appeals process, ensuring families are able to challenge decisions and have their individual circumstances fully considered. "These proposals were consulted on publicly between January and March 2025, with feedback carefully considered. With rising demand, higher costs and more learners travelling longer distances, this approach helps ensure support remains fair, proportionate and sustainable, while continuing to meet individual needs.” A Deptartment for Education spokesperson said: “Backed by £4billion, our reforms will ensure every child gets the right support in their local school without having to fight for it. We will continue listening and engaging with young people and parents as we deliver improvements over the coming years, and are committed to keeping EHCPs for those with complex needs. "We are also creating 60,000 more specialist places so there is a place that is right for every child in our new inclusive system.”