Openness overload: Why your employees don't need to know everything about you

Openness overload: Why your employees don't need to know everything about you Vulnerability can make the workplace more human, but trust is ultimately built through what leaders do, not what they reveal about themselves. In an age when colleagues can peer into one another's lives through social media, workplace boundaries no longer end at the office door. A pertinent question for me as the boss of a creative company is this: Should I let my employees follow me on Instagram? Working in an industry that thrives on cultural knowledge and social media trends, I have grappled with this over the years. On one hand, staying connected to my team on platforms where we often operate professionally makes sense. We can send one another interesting posts that serve as references for work, share the latest social media trends and perhaps, even the occasional meme. Yet social media is also my personal space, where I share posts about my family, my travels and sometimes, my hot takes on news and pop culture. It's not just social media, but also conversations in and out of the office. To what extent should I be telling my employees about my life outside of work? Where should we draw the line between the professional and the personal? To answer that, it helps to begin with a more fundamental question: What do employees really need from their leaders? I've written about this before, but to reiterate: They need clarity about what is expected of them and consistency, especially when decisions are difficult. They need to know that good work will be recognised, mistakes will be treated fairly and that their leaders won't throw them under the bus when things go wrong. Do they need to know about the delectable La Vina cheesecake their department head ate on holiday, or their supervisor's take on why Obsession might be the definitive Gen Z horror film? Probably not, but somewhere between the unknowable boss and the oversharing leader lies a kind of openness that can make work more human. BEING HUMAN, BEING THE BOSS Perhaps, it is simply my personality, but I have never been a particularly distant boss and, at times, prone to oversharing. My employees know about my family and interests. I have shared personal regrets and mistakes I've made over the years. I have also listened as they shared their own struggles, sometimes involving work and sometimes not. I would like to believe this openness has helped us build trust. A boss who admits to making a mistake may make it safer for others to do the same. A leader who speaks honestly about a difficult period can reassure employees that it's okay to ask for help before a problem becomes unmanageable. Sharing about your personal life can also reduce some of the distance created by hierarchy. It reminds employees that the person making decisions has insecurities, pressures and bad days, too. But vulnerability itself does not build trust over time. Trust is built through a leader's repeated actions: keeping promises, making fair decisions, taking responsibility and treating people consistently. A boss can speak freely about their family, fears and personal struggles while remaining unreliable or unfair at work. Conversely, a more private leader may earn deep trust by being clear, dependable and attentive to their team. Openness can support trust, but it cannot replace trustworthiness. WHEN OPENNESS BECOMES A BURDEN Oversharing isn't just about what is being said, but it's also about who is hearing it. When a friend shares something personal with me, we engage as equals. I can respond candidly and even disagree. But there's an added layer of awkwardness when the oversharer is your boss. There might be an obligation to listen, offer reassurance or reciprocate with a disclosure of their own. What feels like an honest exchange to the boss may therefore carry an unspoken pressure for the employee. Openness can support trust, but cannot replace trustworthiness. Also, some things are just better left unsaid. If I tell a fellow business owner that I am worried about the company, they can empathise with the normal pressures of running a business. If I say the same thing to an employee, they would immediately default to worrying about whether their job is at risk. I'm not saying leaders must hide every emotion or pretend that everything is fine. But they must consider not just whether something is true, but how it is likely to be perceived. Some leaders may avoid personal disclosure because they fear it will make them look weak. There is some truth in that concern, but that depends on how we disclose a mistake. Admitting uncertainty does not automatically undermine authority. What is often more damaging is pretending to have all the answers when one clearly does not. Employees can accept that a leader is worried, disappointed or unsure. What they need is confidence that he can still exercise judgment. A leader can say, "I do not know yet, but here is how we will decide". He can admit, "I handled that badly, and this is what I will do differently". Such vulnerability does not diminish authority. Instead, a leader can gain trust by combining honesty with responsibility. What undermines authority when sharing your views or emotions is not humanity, but a lack of containment, such that employees feel they must manage the leader's emotions, absorb their manager's anxiety or provide the stability their boss is supposed to offer them. Leadership does not require invulnerability, but it does require steadiness. THINK BEFORE YOU SHARE So when it comes to how much an employer should share with an employee, the answer is not complete openness or complete privacy. It is "discerned disclosure". Disclosure is most useful when it has been processed first. There is a difference between saying, "This has been a difficult period, and here is what I have learnt from it", and broadcasting every fear while one is still in the middle of the crisis. It requires discernment to decide when and what to share. To process their vulnerability, leaders need places where they can speak openly: family, close friends, mentors, counsellors or peers who understand the pressures of the role. Employees should not be expected to perform that function, so you need to find that place outside of work. So, where is the line between the personal and the professional? I am not sure there is a fixed one. Leaders are entitled to their personal opinions, but we cannot expect employees to separate them neatly from how they see us professionally. Do I think twice about what I share in the office? More than I used to, for sure. Not because every remark needs to be carefully managed, but because something said casually by the boss may carry more weight than intended. Many of my employees also follow my private Instagram account. There, they see another side of me: my family life, my travels and, occasionally, my hot takes on news and pop culture. I still post all of those things. But these days, I pause before I do and remember that, to my employees, I am not just @kelvin4pres on Instagram. I am also their boss. Kelvin Kao is the co-owner of a creative agency.