'My dream guy has ghosted me, I'm trying to work out if I've been dumped'

Dear Coleen, I’ve had a huge crush on a guy for months and finally we got talking on a night out and got to know each other a bit. Eventually, we went out on our own one night and it seemed obvious that he was interested in me too. The chemistry was definitely there and we spent the night having deep talks and kissing. We met up again the following week, and it was just as good as the first time, and afterwards we texted constantly, but then his texts gradually petered out and now I haven’t heard from him in a few days and have no idea what’s changed. It’s so frustrating – has he dumped me? It’s like he’s dropped off the face of the earth, except I can see he’s active on social media, which is annoying. What do I do in this situation? I don’t want to come across as desperate or needy and don’t feel I should have to chase him and make him respond to my messages. It’s a rubbish way to treat someone you’ve snogged the face off and had two amazing dates with. How could I have got it so wrong about him? Coleen says, It feels like he’s ghosting you, which is horrible and frustrating. However there’s always a chance something’s happened you don’t know about, like a family emergency or a work issue. But if you message again, then be more direct with something like, “Just checking you’re OK because I haven’t heard from you in a while”. See what he comes back with and if it’s a curt response like, “I’m fine” or doesn’t respond at all, then he’s clearly not as interested in you as you thought he was. Maybe he enjoyed the dates but isn’t looking for anything more – his mistake was not being honest about it. So, if it turns out he’s not interested in taking things any further, then give him some feedback for the future, which is to be upfront with your date instead of ghosting them. I think when you build up someone in your mind – you say you’ve been crushing on this man for months – usually they don’t live up to your expectations. In fact, it’s impossible for anyone to match up to a romantic idea you’ve created on your own. So, you might have got it wrong about this guy and it stings, but don’t let it put you off dating. Maybe in future, try to manage your expectations, so you don’t feel so let down if it doesn’t work out with someone. Good luck. Coleen's words of wisdom We add a lot of stress to our lives by worrying about things out of our control. Try to stop overthinking and imagining worst-case scenarios and focus instead on dealing with what’s actually in front of you.