'My flirty ex keeps texting and I sense it could all blow up'

Dear Coleen, I’m a man in my late-30s and broke up with my first serious girlfriend 10 years ago, but she still sends me messages all the time, many of which are really flirty. I think of her just as an old friend – we started dating seriously when we were in our early-20s and were together for a few years – but I think it means more to her. The problem now is that I’m in a serious relationship and moved in with my partner a few months ago. I don’t want to hide these messages from her or constantly be worried that she’ll will look at my phone and misinterpret them. I have told her about my ex, as we’ve talked about our relationship history, but I haven’t been entirely honest about how much we contact each other. She was a big part of my past and it was an important relationship, but I don’t think it’s doing either of us any favours to still be messaging so much all these years later. If I thought she just wanted friendship, then it might be different, but I do think her feelings run deeper, even after all this time. I don’t want to upset her, though. Please advise. Coleen says, I think the best thing to do is to send her a really nice final message, explaining that you’ve met someone and moved in with her, and feel it’s disrespectful to her to carry on messaging, even as a friend, because you have a past. Wish her well and then delete the chats. You could go further and block her number, but hopefully it won’t be necessary. I know cutting the cord completely is a hard thing to do, but if you really feel she’s still holding out hope of a romantic relationship, then you have to shut it down. Sometimes you’ve got to let go of the past to move on in your life and this friendship you have with your ex is probably stopping her from moving forward and giving herself the chance to meet someone special. And now you’re in a serious relationship, imagine if your girlfriend was constantly texting an old boyfriend. You wouldn’t like it and it might make you feel worried or insecure. I’m sure you have enough friends not to need your ex in your life. Maybe you’ll bump into each other socially now and again and have a chat or comment on each other’s social media posts occasionally, and that would be a better way to stay friends. Coleen’s words of wisdom It’s human nature to dwell on the stuff that’s going wrong, so it’s important to pause and appreciate what’s going right. Remind yourself of how far you’ve come and all the good people and things you have in your life.