'I am absolutely terrified of a date seeing me naked'

Dear Coleen, I’m a woman in my 40s and have been divorced for two years, and I finally feel ready to date again, which is good apart from one major problem: I have no body confidence. The thought of anyone seeing me naked is terrifying. I was with my ex for nearly 20 years, so I can’t even remember the last time I slept with someone new, but I was young and had a great body! Over the past two decades, I’ve had two kids, gained weight, lost weight, acquired stretchmarks and cellulite, and had a couple of minor surgeries, and the battle scars are there for all to see. I suppose like most people who get divorced in mid-life, it wasn’t in the plan to be dating again in my 40s. I’m confident in other areas – I’m fun, sociable, have good chat and I’ve always been told I’m very pretty, but I feel very insecure when it comes to intimacy. I don’t think I’ve even worn a bikini on the beach in 10 years. It feels like a big step to get back out there, but I also feel too young to close the door on a romantic relationship. Any suggestions on how I can find a little more belief in myself? Coleen says, Firstly, you’re not alone in this. It’s a big worry for many women who find themselves single after a long relationship. And I’ve spoken to a lot of men who feel the same way. I also think if you’ve come out of a relationship that’s hurt you and where trust has been an issue, it feels very exposing to put yourself out there again. However, when you are ready to take a relationship to the next stage, it’s a mistake to overthink it. Because, when that next stage comes, it’s never a case of: “OK, let’s get naked now and have sex”. What usually happens is, you’re having a great time, you start to kiss and it just happens, and no one cares what anyone looks like. I have lots of body hang ups, but when you’re in the moment you don’t think about those things. If you’ve been out on a few dates with someone and you like each other enough to get to that stage, then you’ll know when it feels right. You should take confidence from the fact you haven’t given up on life or love post-divorce and you clearly have so much to offer. You’re already ahead of the game. I’ve really grown in confidence since getting divorced in my 50s, but it’s taken time, so give yourself time. If falling in love is something you want for yourself, then don’t let anything put you off. Take it from me – it makes you feel alive again. Good luck. Coleen’s words of wisdom Stop returning to the same situations, same people, and same patterns of behaviour expecting a different result. Go in another direction, try something you haven’t tried before and give other people a chance.