'Boyfriend being vile to his mum is a massive red flag'

Dear Coleen, I’m a woman in my 30s and have been in a relationship with a man for nearly a year. It’s getting serious between us and I’ve now met his parents a couple of times. The thing is, his attitude towards his mum really bothered me. He’s impatient with her, calls her by her first name instead of Mum (he calls his dad Dad) and is quite rude and curt when she asks him questions. The first time we were all together it felt as if he really didn’t like her, so I asked him afterwards if they had a difficult relationship. His words were: “I don’t want to get into it right now, but she’s a tricky person”. She actually seemed very nice and couldn’t have been lovelier to me. I can’t stop thinking about it – it’s really bugging me. Is his behaviour a massive red flag? I can’t help wondering if he treats his mum like this, how will he treat me in years to come if we’re still together. I’m falling in love with him, but I respect him a bit less since seeing him with his mother. Is this a sign to run a mile or am I making too much of it? Coleen says, OK, I think you need to put the brakes on here. Running a mile before you even know the story is a bit dramatic and unfair. I’m sure his mum was polite and lovely to you, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t done or said things that have caused problems in her relationship with her son. Maybe your partner isn’t ready to talk about what’s gone on between them, but I think you should find out when he is ready instead of making your mind up without any facts. It sounds like your partner was a bit nervous or on edge when you met his parents and maybe he has good reason for that. Perhaps his mum wasn’t nice to a previous girlfriend or caused problems in a past relationship or it could be something just between the two of them. You might get to know her better in the coming months and start to see his point of view. Communication is so important in a relationship so, if he doesn’t open up about how he feels and he can’t talk to you about things, that’s the red flag for me going forward. Coleen's words of wisdom We all overestimate how much other people are thinking about us – our mistakes, our choices, what we look like. The truth is, most people are too focused on themselves to pay that much attention.