'Mum is refusing to give my brother’s girlfriend a chance'

Dear Coleen, My older brother separated from his wife a couple of months ago and they have a son, who’s three. I never got to know his ex that well, as they got together when I was at uni and then I went travelling, so only saw them at the odd family event. He’s already got a new girlfriend and brought her to our dad’s 70th birthday a couple of weeks ago. She seems nice to me and my brother definitely seems happier than he’s been in years, but my mum has flipped out over it. It’s a strange reaction for her, as my brother is the golden child and she never says a bad word about him. But she hates his new girlfriend and can’t believe he’s dating someone so soon after his marriage ended. I know my mum was close to his ex but she can’t seem to accept the marriage wasn’t working and people are allowed to move on. I don’t want to pick sides, but it’s my 30th birthday in a few weeks and my mum has told me not to invite my brother’s girlfriend and to invite his ex instead. I don’t agree with this, but feel caught in the middle. Any ideas? Coleen says, I think your mum is being out of line, asking you to invite his ex. My children have loads of exes I got on with very well, but when your kids decide to move on, it’s not your business to interfere. It’s your party, so should invite who you want and I think you should invite your brother and his new girlfriend or at least give him a plus one and leave it up to him to decide who to bring. I doubt his ex would expect to be invited, given the split is fairly recent. You need to stay strong on this one. It’s not fair of your mum to ask you to get involved on her behalf and look like the bad guy, and it’s quite controlling. If you did do what she’s asking, imagine how your brother would feel about you. Of course it’s sad and unsettling for older parents when their children separate, because they’ve get to know and love their partners and they have become part of the family. But your mum can see the ex if she wants to and I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunity to do that, as there’s a grandchild involved. Stay out of it and enjoy your party. Coleen’s words of wisdom Green flags in a relationship include: knowing you can be yourself and don’t have to perform or change, being able to work through disagreements, celebrating each other’s wins, and feeling calm because you know where you stand.