'My older girlfriend says that she wants a second boob job'

Dear Coleen, I wrote to you a few years ago about my older girlfriend wanting a breast enlargement op and she went ahead with the procedure in 2021. I felt uneasy about it, as we’d discussed what kind of message this was sending to her daughters. She didn’t seem overly concerned. My own family thought it was a weird decision and my mother thought that she was selfish to spend so much money on herself. Our circumstances have changed in the past few years – I have a much better job now and earn a lot more, so our standard of living has improved a lot. We went on a beach holiday a few weeks back and, since getting home, my partner has told me she’s thinking of going back under the knife again. Again, I’m dubious about it. She regrets not having bigger implants back in 2021, but I really don’t see the point of this. Her daughters are now teenagers and I worry what they’ll think of their mum going back under the knife. Part of me wonders if she’s trying to test me to see how far I’m willing to let her go. Our relationship has changed in the sense that when we started seeing each other in 2018 she earned more than me, but that’s significantly altered now. How should I deal with this? Coleen says, OK, I think you need to work out what your main worry here is – is it that she feels insecure in your relationship? Is it her daughters, fears around the surgery or is it the money? Maybe it’s a bit of everything. So, I think you need to ask her why she really wants to do it and have a discussion, and maybe even get the girls involved for their input. She might simply need to hear that you love her and fancy her the way she is, so she doesn’t need to go through this procedure for you. Sometimes that reassurance is enough. If it’s something she just wants to do for herself because it’ll make her feel better, then that’s different. My worry is, she’s already gone under the knife and cosmetic surgery can become a bit addictive. I know lots of people who’ve had work done and not many of them have stopped at one thing. It’s also a major op involving a general anaesthetic and there are always risks involved. It’s important for her to do her research and find a really good surgeon. But start by talking to her because if she’s struggling with insecurities over being older and the age gap in your relationship, there’s a lot you can say and do to reassure her and make her feel loved and desired. Coleen’s words of wisdom You don’t have to stick with a toxic friend just because you’ve known them for a long time. If you don’t feel good being around someone, that’s your cue to move on from them.