'I love my partner, but I don’t want to move in with him'

Dear Coleen, I’m a woman in my early 30s and have been seeing my partner for just over a year, and it’s going well. The issue is, he keeps dropping hints that he’d like us to move in together and that’s not something I want – at least not yet. Currently, we live a few minutes’ walk away from each other and it works brilliantly. I live with a friend and he lives on his own. We spend nights at each other’s places and are always together at weekends. I feel it’s still a bit early in the relationship to set up home together, but we’ve talked about marriage and possibly even kids in the future, and I suppose moving in together is the next step on that road. I should say that I did live with my previous boyfriend and it was a big nightmare when we came to separate. We were living in a flat owned by his family, so I was the one who had to leave and start again. I feel settled where I am and it’s a nice feeling. I suppose what I’m saying is, I’m not ready to live with him just yet, but I don’t want him to think it’s because I’m not sure about the relationship because I’ve never been surer of anything or anyone in my life. Can you advise? Coleen says, It sounds like deep down you’ve been very affected by what happened in your previous relationship, so you’re cautious and a bit fearful because last time it went horribly wrong and you don’t want to rock this perfect boat you’re on right now. OK, here are a couple of scenarios. You move in with him tomorrow and realise a few months down the line that it’s not working, so you find out quickly that he’s not the one. Or you spend the next two years as you are and then move in, only to find out it doesn’t work. Or it could be brilliant! Living together is a whole new ball game – you see every side of each other and you have to be less selfish and compromise more. But if you can talk about your expectations of living together and how you’ll deal with challenges, then in my opinion it’s worth a try. Sometimes in life you have to take a leap of faith. I don’t think a year is too soon and that’s obviously what your partner is thinking too. While it’s good to take time to consider it (I’m the opposite in these situations!), don’t overthink it. You can’t know how things will work out, but you might regret not trying. Coleen’s words of wisdom I love the phrase “be brave enough to be bad at something new”. It’s a reminder to take a punt on ourselves, to get excited about learning a different skill and that we’re all beginners at the start.