'I can’t move on if he’s flaunting his new relationship'

Dear Coleen, I’m a 27-year-old woman and recently split with my boyfriend of three years, which was awful as I still really love him. The break-up was his idea and it basically came down to him feeling that we’d gone as far as we could go as a couple and he wanted to move on. I’ve never cried so much in my life over anything. I have a supportive group of friends but, unfortunately, they’re also his friends, so it’s been tricky. A couple of weeks ago, I was persuaded to go to a friend’s party, which was in a restaurant and was assured my ex wouldn’t be there, as he’d said he couldn’t make it. Only he walked in halfway through the evening, arm in arm with a girl who’s on the fringes of our friendship group. They stayed away from me, but it was obvious they’re dating and I left the party early. I couldn’t deal with it and felt very upset by his total disregard for my feelings. How can I get over him when I still love him so much and he’s still around, flaunting this new relationship? It really feels like he’s rubbing salt in my wounds. Any ideas? Coleen says, I understand how much this hurts. Getting over it will take time because it’s a hard situation and no one is expecting you to just be OK overnight. It helps not to overthink what’s happened or what he’s up to now and to focus on yourself. In terms of your friendship group, only go to things when you know he definitely won’t be there and ask your friends for help with this. It’s OK to take a step back for a while until you feel stronger and can face it. Do what feels right for you. I’m sure there are plenty of opportunities to see friends on your own and you can also organise things yourself that don’t include him. With the end of a relationship comes a grief period because you’ve lost something and when it’s something you didn’t want to lose, it’s really challenging. Who knows how long this new relationship will last – it might just be a rebound thing – but don’t waste energy dwelling on it. Harness some anger and think: “He wasn’t good enough for me. She’s welcome to him”. And if he shows up unannounced again, fake your happiness, even if it’s for a couple of hours, because he’ll go away and think: “Oh, she’s over me”, which always bruises the ego. There will come a day, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, when you won’t have to fake it because it’ll be true. You will be over him and you’ll be glad you’ve moved on. Good luck. Coleen’s words of wisdom You don’t need to share your plans with everyone. Protect your goals from unnecessary opinions and negativity and put your focus where it needs to be. Let the results speak for themselves.