'I’m 40 and want a baby but fear it will scare my new man'

Dear Coleen, I need some advice on an age-gap relationship. I’m 40 and the guy I’m seeing is 29 (30 in February). We met at a work thing and hit it off. It didn’t feel like he was younger at all, plus I’ve always been “young for my age”. Things are going well – he’s met my friends and I’ve met his – the sex is hot and we’re just on the same wavelength and connect on every level. I’ve never found this with men my own age, plus most guys I meet aged 40 are already in relationships or married with kids. The only worry I’ve got is I still haven’t quite given up on the idea of having a baby. It feels like a decision I have to make very quickly, given my age, but this relationship is still new and I don’t want to put that much pressure on him, especially as he’s younger. I nearly mentioned it the other night when we were out for a drink, but I chickened out, plus we were having a great time and I didn’t want to kill the buzz. I’d love any advice you can give. Coleen says, Well, I think you need to start by asking what his feelings are about children – is having a family something he wants in the future? You’re right, at 29, he might not even be thinking of that right now, but it’s an important conversation to have, especially if things are going well and you think the relationship has legs. I don’t think it has to be a big serious sit-down interrogation – just start talking about your hopes and dreams for the next few years. And if he says that kids aren’t on the agenda for him in the next five or more years, then you need to be honest with him (and yourself) about what you want. I think you can also get your ducks in a row in terms of your health – have some fertility checks and start thinking about the options if being a parent is something you really want to do. Is it a strong enough drive that you’d consider doing it on your own? Even if you were same age and saw the relationship going further, I still think you’d need to have the chat about kids or you could end up in a situation where you realise years down the line that one of you wants a family and the other one doesn’t. It’s important to be honest about these big life questions early on or it just stores up problems for the future. Coleen’s words of wisdom Think about all the great things you could do for yourself if you’re not glued to your phone – read a book, go outside, spend time on self-care, write a journal, take a class, see friends. Fill your life with more than screen time.