'My sport-obsessed bloke is super-fit... but painfully dull'

Dear Coleen, I’m a 40-year-old divorced woman with two young children and I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months. He’s very good looking, but the more I get to know him, the more I’m realising how boring he is. He’s incredibly fit and all his time is taken up with sports like cycling, running, kitesurfing and waterskiing. He came out of a long-term relationship about 18 months ago and has no kids, so has plenty of time for these hobbies. The problem is, it’s becoming clear that I come second to all this stuff and he fits me in when he can. He’s also super-fussy when it comes to his diet and doesn’t drink (his body is a temple). I, on the other hand, love a glass of wine and I like going out and having a laugh. His idea of a fun night out is a healthy dinner somewhere local or maybe a movie, and I’m a bit over it. I don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable or if we’re just not compatible. The sex is quite good because I find him very attractive, but even that has to be scheduled around his hobbies, and he won’t do a late night if he’s cycling or running the next day. Do you think the relationship is doomed to fail? Coleen says, Um, yes, if it’s like this now in the early stages, how is it going to be a few months or years down the line? Look, sometimes really fancying someone isn’t enough. You need to have some stuff in common and it doesn’t sound like there’s anything in common here. It’s difficult to walk away when the physical attraction is strong, but over time you get used to someone’s looks and then you’re left with a person with whom you have zero in common and who doesn’t have time for a relationship. What I’m saying is, if you do call time on it, you’ll get over it. In the past, I dated a guy who took my breath away – he was just gorgeous. I couldn’t get over that really, which kept me going back and hanging on longer than I should have. The physical attraction was so intense, but the more I got to know him, the more I realised we weren’t compatible at all. I did get over it pretty quickly because there was nothing to it other than fancying him, and I’m glad I called it quits. I think the fact you’re questioning this relationship already means you know it’s not right. Have the discussion about what you’re looking for from a relationship and tell him you don’t think he has time for you. He’ll either say he’ll make time or he won’t and, if it’s the latter, you’re not a match. Coleen’s words of wisdom This weekend, instead of obsessively checking your phone or scrolling through social media, do something that makes you feel good. Fit in some self-care, read a book, take a walk, go to a class, bake a cake or just switch off and rest.