'I’m offended my mum dislikes my daughter’s name'

Dear Coleen, I had my daughter a year ago and my husband and I chose an unusual name – Ember. We love the name, but when we told our families my mum was really unkind about it. She said it was weird and she’d feel weird saying it, and made us feel like we’d burdened our daughter with an awful name. I honestly thought my mum would get over it, but she hasn’t. She tells all her friends my daughter is called Emmy and she calls her that which really annoys me – she’s never once used her full name. Maybe altering her name would have been cute if she hadn’t told me how much she hated it. No one else has a problem with calling her Ember. Maybe I shouldn’t care so much, but I do find her attitude hurtful. I have corrected her on occasion and said, “Her name’s Ember, Mum”, but I’m sick of having to do that. Is it worth making a thing of? I realise when our daughter goes to school, her friends will probably shorten it to Em, as kids do, but I would just like my mother to accept our choice and do us the courtesy of using our daughter’s proper name. Coleen says, Yeah, it’s annoying, but I don’t think it’s worth having a massive fall out over. I think the name you’ve chosen is lovely, but I can’t say I’ve liked all the baby names my friends and family have chosen over the years. Would I comment on it? No. Naming a child is such a personal thing and shouldn’t be up for debate. I always think kids grow into their names and then you can’t imagine them being called anything else. As long as you think it’s a great name, who cares what your mum thinks? You’re butting heads over something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that important. If your mum was calling her a completely new name like Laura not Ember, that’s different. When your daughter gets older she might ask her gran to call her Ember or she might like that she has a special name for her. People love to have an opinion on names – one of my sisters hates that we shorten my niece Erin’s name to Ez and my daughter Ciara’s to Ciz and refer to them jointly as Ez and Ciz. And Ember will probably get her name shortened her whole life to Em or Emmy, but those are nice as well. Is your mum being a bit out of line, insensitive and stubborn? Yes, but is it a hill you’re willing to die on? The most important thing is that she loves your daughter and is a wonderful grandmother to her. Coleen’s words of wisdom A brilliant skill to have is being able to reset quickly and move forward. Rough day? Start fresh the next. Made a poor decision? Learn from it and make changes. You’re in control of how long you let something affect you.