'A fresh start after divorce but I can’t make new friends'

Dear Coleen, I’m a woman in my 40s and it feels embarrassing to admit that I’m struggling to make friends. I got divorced a couple of years ago and I’m a single mum to one daughter. My ex is a good parent, but he’s a weekend dad. After the divorce I moved closer to my parents, which meant my daughter going to a new school and I’m still adjusting to living in a new area. All the school mums I’ve met are married and I’m aware of social things going on, but maybe they don’t think to invite me because I’m on my own. It was OK where I lived before following the divorce because I’d already made good friends, but now I’m struggling to make connections. People are friendly enough and say hello and make small talk, but it never goes any further. It could be that I’m part of the problem because I lack confidence. It feels hard starting again and I’m out of my comfort zone, and I wondered if you had any advice on how to break down some of the social barriers. Coleen says, Well, it could be more your issue in that divorce is hard and it can really knock your confidence. Don’t feel pressured and give yourself time. Kids can be a good way in to meeting people and it only takes connecting with one person, and things can snowball from that. Maybe you could volunteer to help at the school and be around at pick up, so you’re present and seeing the same people day-to-day. I know it can feel like your first day at school, which is intimidating, but try to push through it. Also, don’t be afraid to be the one to suggest things. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone says they’re not available? If your daughter has made a few friends, get in touch with their mums to offer a playdate and invite them to stick around for a coffee. Ask them about the area and for any recommendations. Look at things you’re interested in and try to get involved. Also, stay in touch with your friends from home – they can visit, you can visit, and don’t shy away from admitting you’re feeling a bit lonely or lost. If people think you’re OK, they might not check in as often. I’ve relocated a few times in my life, once after divorcing my first husband when my boys were very young, and it took me a good couple of years to find my feet. But if you can be positive and commit to making a go of it, you will settle in and find your people. Good luck. Coleen’s words of wisdom Choose a partner who can own their mistakes and communicate openly and honestly instead of avoiding the hard conversations. Be with someone who respects your individuality and who feels emotionally safe and steady.