'Shared my feelings with an old friend and her reply hurt'

Dear Coleen, I recently developed a huge crush on an old schoolfriend. We knew each other as teenagers and our mates used to always try to get us together, and I’d hear rumours that she fancied me. Nothing ever happened, though. Recently, we reconnected at a party and got talking. I was instantly attracted to her, which took me a bit by surprise, as I hadn’t seen her in years. After that we started messaging each other and the chats were quite flirty. I found myself checking my phone constantly to see if she’d messaged. We arranged to go for drinks with some other friends from our old school, but they all pulled out at the last minute, so it was just her and me in a bar. It was the perfect opportunity to move things on, so I suggested we should meet up again soon, just the two of us, and I admitted how I felt about her. She looked at me like I’d just told her I’d run over her cat and said I’d got the wrong end of the stick, that she’s seeing someone and she thinks of me as a mate. She said she was sorry if she’d given me the wrong impression. It was awkward after that and then she left. I’m crushed and confused. I really thought she felt the same. How do I just switch off my feelings? We’ve been getting close for weeks and I think I’m already in love with her. Coleen says, Rejection is horrible, and you can’t just switch off your feelings – if only we could. Look, it’s going to take time. At least she put you straight, so you’re not left wondering how she feels about you. I imagine she probably feels awful, too. Although this wasn’t a relationship break up, it was the end of something you were hoping for and that still hurts. My advice would be to keep your distance for a while because you need some time to move on from the idea of being with her. It’s tempting if everyone is going out and she’ll be there, but try to focus on some other friends until you feel in a stronger place. I think you feel so let down because you’ve built this relationship up in your head, like a big rom com, which is what you do when you really fancy someone. You read into everything they say and every comment is loaded. The fact all your other mates cancelled and she still came out was probably a sign for you that she might feel the same and wanted to be on her own with you. It’s hard because you reignited a friendship, and it’s hard to lose that, but I promise if you give yourself time and space, you will get over her and move on to something great. Coleen’s words of wisdom Remember that success isn’t just about working hard at your job and achieving more, it’s about creating a life for yourself that feels good. Make space for your wellbeing, your passions and your relationships.