A moment that changed me: I was devastated by a breakup – and saved by a sweaty moshpit

When my relationship broke down, my usual playlist of pop girl anthems and love songs left me in tears. Then I discovered hardcore punk

Nobody warned me that heartbreak would ruin my relationship with Beyoncé. I had always associated music with the happiest times in my life: going to Glastonbury, seeing Madonna play at Madison Square Garden, singing along to Kylie Minogue’s greatest hits on a road trip across Australia. Just over a year ago, after my first real relationship ended unexpectedly, things changed.

When I listened to the artists I loved most, I was ambushed by memories and reminded of all the love and intimacy I had lost. My usual playlists, filled with indie bops and pop girl anthems, became unbearable. I’d never noticed before, but almost every song was about love, yearning, romance and sex. Every time I pressed play, I found myself sobbing in the shower or ugly-crying in public.