'Fiance is dragging out our engagement after wild proposal'

Dear Coleen, My boyfriend proposed to me last Christmas and he really pulled out the stops to make it special. He took me to Paris for two nights between Christmas and New Year and popped the question when we were walking along the river one night after a lovely dinner. He’d even chosen an incredible engagement ring and the whole thing blew me away. He told me he didn’t care what kind of wedding we had. However, Christmas is coming around again soon and we’re no further along. Every time I bring up the subject of the wedding or ask his opinion, he says: “Do you want to do it that soon?”, or, “There’s no rush”, or, “Can we talk about it later?” Why is he stalling like this? We’ve been together four years and live together. I don’t understand how he could be so enthusiastic and put so much effort into the proposal, only to go cold on it. Why drag out the engagement? People keep asking me when it is and where it’s going to be and I don’t have any answers. It’s getting embarrassing. Can you help? Coleen says, I think a lot of people get engaged, thinking they probably won’t get married for another two or three years and kind of put it on the back burner. In a lot of cases, it’s about having time to save up for it. For others, like yourself, a proposal is the green light to get it all done as soon as possible. I understand it must feel disheartening and frustrating after such an exciting engagement, so I think you need to be direct with him and refuse to let him fob you off. Tell him when and how you’d like to get married and ask him why he keeps stalling and won’t discuss it. Make the goal to be coming up with a plan together. You need to be on the same page, even if he’s not interested in the arrangements and is happy to leave it all up to you. It would be different if you were both chilled about it and not in a hurry to move things along, but that’s not the case. I don’t want to scare you, but my sister got engaged and then didn’t get married until 40-odd years later. The engagement was commitment enough for them for decades and they stayed together while so many others got divorced and remarried and divorced again (me included!). But that’s not how you feel, so your fiance needs to give you something to go on. Does he want to do it next year or in two years or does he just want to elope somewhere? You must communicate because that’s a skill you really need to develop if you want to spend your life together. Coleen’s words of wisdom If you want to develop a strong, confident mindset, challenge yourself instead of always sticking with the safe, familiar option. Giving yourself opportunities to try new things and to navigate setbacks will build resilience