'Do you know where my daughter's gone?' Lords being asked to stop loved ones dying scared and alone

'Do you know where my daughter's gone?' Lords being asked to stop loved ones dying scared and alone The House of Lords will on Tuesday be urged to push through an amendment to the Health Bill to make sure families are not blocked from giving essential care to their loved ones ever again Families whose loved ones died "scared and alone" during Covid-19 are urging the House of Lords to ensure it "never happens again". Peers will this week debate a new legal right to ensure no one is left cut off from relatives and friends in care homes, hospitals and other care settings. Campaigners warn relatives — who are crucial ‘care partners’ — are still being blocked, all these years after the pandemic. In one recent case, a woman with dementia was left confused and heartbroken after her daughter was barred from the hospital ward during a flu outbreak. The 89-year-old woman ended up crying down the phone, asking her daughter: 'Why have you left me? Why have you abandoned me?' It is hoped the amendment to the Health Bill, put forward this week, could see an end to care home "Pod" visits, distant window chats, visits like "viewing animals in a zoo" and Zoom calls. It aims to give everyone relying on health and care services the right to nominate a trusted relative or friend to provide 'in-person' support. 'It terrifies me this will happen again' Diane Mayhew, 61, from Preston, Lancashire, who is the co-founder of Rights for Residents, is pleading with the House of Lords to take action. She was not allowed to say goodbye to her dying dad during the pandemic. She told The Mirror: “It terrifies me this will happen again. We owe it to all those we’ve lost and all of us who will need it in the future. My father Alan died alone in hospital. I will never forget it. He was 81, without even one family member by his side to hold his hand, tell him we loved him, or say goodbye. “Not only am I left with a profound sense of guilt, but I have been robbed of any nice memories, as they have been replaced with images of him taking his last breath, completely alone. “We understand footfall needs to be limited in times of crisis, but we also believe the person closest to us should always be by our side when we need them most. “That's why we continue to campaign for this legal right. There is a distinct difference between a care supporter and a visitor. My mother was not a visitor - she was the person who supported and cared for my dad all their married life.” 'We had to witness her fade away through a closed window' Rights for Residents have been campaigning for six years alongside John's Campaign and Care Rights UK for everyone to have the legal right to ‘in person support’ from a health and care partner when they are in hospital or a care setting. Jenny Morrison, also 61, co-founder, told how her mum never smiled again after the family were kept from seeing her during Covid. She said: “During the pandemic, my mother Jean, was 88 and living in a care home. She needed a lot of family support as she lived with dementia and was very confused." “She went from seeing one of her family every single day, to being completely isolated as all visits were banned. We had to witness her fade away through a closed window. “I couldn’t even hold her hand, which would normally calm her and remove her anxiety. She was known in the home as ‘Smiler’, but when she was forcibly separated from those she loved dearly, she never smiled again. “The wonderful carers found it equally heartbreaking, when every day she asked them 'Do you know where my daughters have gone?' The support from one of us would have made all the difference and prevented her rapid decline. She was left feeling confused and frightened and these are our lasting memories.” Other families back the calls Their calls are backed by other families, who are urging the House of Lords to "learn the lessons from Covid." Labour’s Lord Philip Hunt tabled the amendment to introduce a legal right to a ‘Health and Care Partner’ which will be debated in the House of Lords this Tuesday. Sian Kilcoyne, 65, from Bolton, Greater Manchester, whose 90-year-old mum Norah, is in a residential home with Alzheimer's and rheumatoid arthritis, says if she was stopped from seeing her mum it would “crucify both of us”. “I love the home she is in but before in an old one it felt like; ‘She’s our resident now, not your mum any more.’ “I’ve cared for her for 13 years after my dad died. I retired to look after my mum. I know her inside out. All I want is for all homes to let the families be involved, don’t see them as a fault finders or moaners. “I know the little things that make her smile, what comforts her, her routines, her history and what makes her the person she is. That knowledge comes from a lifetime of loving her. 'I am her voice, I speak up for her' “When she sees me her face lights up. It’s vital I am allowed to see her, if I didn’t go it would break both our hearts. “She’s been a massive part of my life, she’s my best friend, not just my mum. To take that away would kill my mum, it would crucify both of us.” Helen Heywood, 63, from Manchester, said she had months during Covid-19 not being able to see her mum who was left confused by the FaceTime calls and window visits. She said: “My Mum Catherine has been in a care home since January 2020. She is 96 years old suffering from dementia and increasing fragility from old age. “I have continued to look after my Mum during this time (where Covid lockdowns allowed) and consider myself as part of her care team and not just a visitor. “I visit three times a week. I encourage her to drink, I tempt her with snacks if she hasn’t eaten well that day. I clean and file her nails, I do a mini facial, I moisture her feet. I sometimes join in activities with her. “Most importantly I am her voice, I speak up for her. Mum’s dementia has obviously worsened, but at times she will talk about people from the past who the carers wouldn’t know. Visits are more difficult now as at times she doesn’t know who I am but I sincerely believe that my visits make a big difference. “My Mum would not survive another Covid type lockdown. We couldn’t manage to communicate now with FaceTime or window visits as her dementia and general health has deteriorated. The Carers tell me she asks for me when I’m not there, I think I am her safe space.” Campaigners want to see the same rights as exist in Scotland since earlier this year when ‘Anne’s Law’ was introduced, giving people the legal right to nominate a care partner. They say they are hoping the Lords will push it through after Baroness Hallett recognised the importance of this in the Covid-19 Inquiry report on the care sector published last week, stating: “In a future pandemic, visits from essential carers should be available to all residents where possible and should be distinct from considerations regarding general visiting.”