'Throuple situation not adding up to a happy relationship'

Dear Coleen, I’m a woman in my 20s and have accidentally got myself into a throuple situation. One of my best friends and I liked the same guy for ages and somehow we’ve both ended up dating him casually. It was fun at first and we’d compare notes and all hang out together with our other mates, but now I’m feeling a bit of pressure from him and her to take things further and make it a threesome situation in the bedroom. I’m really not into this at all. Firstly, I’ve never been into threesomes and I can’t imagine ever having sex with my friend involved. It would be weird and not a turn on at all. I’m also sure our friendship wouldn’t survive. I also feel she’s changed and I’m disappointed in her. It’s like she’s got carried away with this whole throuple thing. Maybe she wants to push some boundaries and experiment or maybe she thinks it’s cool. I don’t really know and I’m not being judgmental – it’s just not for me. Unfortunately for me, I do like this guy, but I can’t see how things could ever get serious between us while my friend is involved, too. What’s your opinion? Coleen says, I would advise a very firm no to this threesome. It’s clear from your letter that you’re not into it, so don’t be talked into it. Of course it’ll affect your friendship with this girl, and I’d suggest this throuple situation has already crossed a line. It feels like there’s a bit of game playing going on here with your friend at the centre of it, which makes me uncomfortable. Saying no to this threesome does not make you “uncool” or prudish – it shows you know yourself and have the confidence to express how you feel. If saying no means you lose this guy, then so be it. Is he really the kind of person you want to have a proper relationship with? I’d recommend you remove yourself from this situation and give yourself the opportunity to find someone you really like, who really likes you back and is all in. In this current situation, the only person winning is the guy – he must feel like all his Christmases have come at once! In any type of “friends with benefits” situation, someone usually ends up getting hurt – don’t let it be you. Move on from these friends. Coleen's words of wisdom Progress often happens slowly and the results aren’t always obvious right away, so don’t give up. Every step you take counts towards achieving your goal, so keep showing up. Consistency will get you there.