Florida State's follies spell doom -- and get Noles spot in Bottom 10

Inspirational thought of the week: Vote for me, vote for me If I am elected, this is how it will be. I don't wanna kid you, there's a lot to do Little I can promise, it's really up to you But if we all work together And I think we can, yeah If you want some new ideas Then I'm your man. Vote for me, vote for me -- "Vote For Me," Chicago Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located at the bottom of the landfill where people tossed their unwanted candy corn, Necco wafers and black licorice after Halloween, we spent Tuesday night not watching the hoity toity CFP rankings reveal or the finger-pointing and overreaction of Election Day, but rather we were tuned in to something that contains a sprit that could both sooth the pain of political discourse and be a balm to the hurt feelings of those who felt slighted by the revelations from the boardroom in Grapevine. #MACtion, baby. Because like the polling process, what's most important to each of us depends largely on where we live. While the talking heads are yammering about control of Capitol Hill or how many teams from each Power 4 league has a seat at the CFP table, perhaps what means the most to someone locally is that their hometown college is on national weekday primetime TV. Or that they really don't want that one guy to get elected to the school board because, you know what? They grew up with that guy and the only area of the school he ever used was the gap in the playground fence so he could play hooky and smoke Marlboro Reds behind the gym while you were stuck in trigonometry behind the offensive lineman who ate too many beans during lunch. The point is that no matter how people vote, be it at the ballot box or on the CFP selection committee, we love college football. Even so-so college football. And we love it even more than that offensive lineman loved that cafeteria chili. With apologies to Michigan State QB Cam Fancher, Nevada D-lineman David Paine and Steve Harvey, here's the 2026 post-Week 9 Bottom 10 rankings. 1. Northern Ill-ugh-noise (0-8) Everyone's favorite #MACtion refugees had dreams of climbing through their first season in the Mountain West but are still stuck at base camp with a broken zipper that won't let them get out of their tents. But we're now less than a month away from someone stopping by Thanksgiving weekend to pry them out with a pickax. Who? 2. UTEPid (1-7) Paydirt Pete, that's who! But that depends on what the Minors do this weekend in the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year against Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-why-yuh, which is 2-6. 3. Akronmonious (1-8) Meanwhile, in the actual action of #MACtion, Akron barely escaped its game with the Fightin' Byes of Open Date U., but Tuesday night, while most of you were watching the CFP rankings reveal and election results, the Rubber Zips were being mauled by Bobcats not on Nat Geo, but ESPN2. 4. Minute Rice (1-7) The Rice Owls lost to the FA(Not I)U Owls and in three weeks will play the Temple Owls. None of these three Owls are scheduled to play the fourth parliament of Owls, Bottom 10 Wait Listers Kennesaw Mountain Landis State, though KSU does play FI(Not A)U, which already lost to the Owls of FA-Hoo! Sorry, FAU. 5. Floriduh State Semi-No's (3-5) Note to all of you young, aspiring college administrators seeking to avoid future appearances in the Coveted Fifth Spot: If you fire your coach midseason and need to go looking for another one, perhaps don't fire the person usually in charge of such searches, the athletic director, just before said search. Also, make sure your fans know how to spell the coach's name. The one you hire and the one you fire. 6. ULM (pronounced "Uhlm") (1-7) Ulm, the Warhawks, ulm, won a week ago, but then, ulm, they were supposed to be in the, ulm, Pillow Fight of the Week against, ulm, Southern Missed, but they, ulm, won too, so it wasn't. But, ulm, Southern Miss hit them with a pillow anyway. And, ulm, it must have been Charlie Brown's pillow from, ulm, Hulmoween, because it was full of, ulm, rocks. 7. Sam Houston We Have A Problem (1-7) This weekend Sam Houston, which is not in Houston but in Huntsville but not the Huntsville you've heard of in Alabama, but the smaller Huntsville in Texas, plays Jacksonville State, which is not in the Jacksonville you have heard of in Florida, but the smaller Jacksonville in Alabama, which is not too far from the Huntsville you've heard of in Alabama. 8. Warshington State (1-8) The good folks of Pullman worked extremely hard to help reconstruct and repopulate the Pac-12 with new teams. Unfortunately, the Cougars can't beat any of them. 9. Temple of Doom (2-6) I've been thinking about this Owls vs. Owls vs. Owls vs. Owls thing, and perhaps they should have their own OFP, the Owl Football Playoff, and they can have a halftime show starring Harry Potter's owl, Owl from Winnie the Pooh and the owl who -- sorry, HOO! -- ate all the Tootsie Pops. 10. Charlotte 1-and-7ers (1-7) Yes, the Niners have only one win and are ranked just behind a team with one more win and one fewer loss than they have, but that one fewer loss includes a loss that came at the hands of Charlotte. Unlike the CFP selection committee, we value head-to-head results. Waiting List: Sackrimento State, Kennesaw Mountain Landis State, Wrambling Reck, In A Rut-gers, Merry-land, Meeshegun State, Ole Duh-Minions, Huh-Why-Yuh, people leaving their election signs out after Nov. 3.