Mum took stillborn baby home for 10 days to make memories with him

Mum took stillborn baby home for 10 days to make memories with him Emily Rollinson wanted time to start to process her loss The mother of a stillborn baby was able to spend 10 days making memories with him at home thanks to a ‘cuddle cot’. Emily Rollinson’s son Dexter died in childbirth after being diagnosed with a rare condition. Thanks to the support of Tunbridge Wells Hospital and her bereavement midwife Harriet Whyatt, she was able to take him home using a special cot to give her time to process her loss. The cuddle cot system uses a cooling mechanism to maintain a baby’s condition after they have died and can be taken away and used at home. It allowed Emily to spend 10 days with her son, grieve in her own time and make memories with him – from taking Dexter on a walk, having face and hand casts made and putting up the Christmas tree in his presence. 18 months on from his death, Emily, from Leybourne, remains determined to honour Dexter and help other families remember their baby. She and Harriet came up with the idea of creating a dedicated baby loss memorial garden at the hospital. It’s hoped it will include a wall with names displayed on plaques, which the mum says is “really important” to her. “I really want Dexter’s name to be written somewhere,” she said. “Dexter was cremated, so really the only place his name is displayed is in our home. I really would love his name to be out there so people can read it, people can say it, and people can talk about him.” There will also be a Post Box to Heaven in the memorial garden, which Emily is "passionate" about, as it allows those grieving to express their feelings, write things down, and deposit pictures and cards. “For children learning to grieve, being able to express things and write things down or send pictures or cards - being able to send things somewhere is really important,” she added.“My daughter constantly draws pictures, and in every picture Dexter is in the sky.” Although only in the early stages of the plans, the vision is to include a play area where siblings can spend time while their parents grieve. Midwife Harriet added: “Everybody is so affected by the loss of a baby. It’s not just the parents; it’s the grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings. We want to make it as family-friendly as possible so anybody who feels like they could benefit or get some comfort from the garden has a safe and quiet place to reflect and think about their baby.” Last year, they raised £7,000, alongside donations of £8,000 by two other families, and they hope to raise £5,000 this year – bringing the total to £20,000. You can donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/baby-loss-memorial-garden-and-bereavement-support Some materials are already being donated, including bricks from Travis Perkins, while a carpenter has offered to make benches, and they hope other companies might want to get involved too. On August 2, between 10am and 2pm, they are hosting a fun day at Ryarsh Village Hall to raise funds, and hope people will come to show their support. Recalling the loss of her son, Emily said: “Dexter was stillborn on 21 November 2024. He had a terminal condition, so I knew that he wasn’t going to survive, but I decided to continue the pregnancy as far as it would go. I was induced at 38 weeks, and unfortunately, he died during labour. The hope was that Dexter would have been born alive, and there were lots of things put in place if that would have happened. “I was introduced to Harriet when I was 28 weeks pregnant, and she went through the aftercare for what would happen once he passed away. Tunbridge Wells Hospital has a Hope Butler suite, so I went and looked round there so I knew what to expect. I was very well cared for.” The Hope Butler suite is a bereavement suite which is named after baby Hope, who was stillborn in 1995. Hope’s mum Emily had raised money to make the provision a possibility, and the room includes cold cots for families who spend time in the suite, or cuddle cots for families that want to take their babies home. Harriet, who has worked at the hospital for more than 10 years, says this time can be “invaluable” to families navigating bereavement. The hospital works with charity Sands to create memory boxes for families that lose a child, and, in her role, Harriet will often see families after they go home and provide emotional support. On the first Tuesday of every month, the pair also host a coffee morning at Notcutts, opposite the Tunbridge Wells Hospital at Pembury, for families that have lost babies. Emily said: “One of the main things for me, when you lose a baby is that it’s incredibly lonely. Even if you are surrounded by people you feel incredibly lonely. Connecting with other mums that have felt the same or been in the same situation has always been really important to me.”