'I feel so guilty for cutting off friend over her huge lie'

Dear Coleen, I had a good friend who I stopped speaking to after she told a pretty spectacular lie. I don’t want to go into specifics, as she’ll instantly know it’s about her if she reads this letter. However, it was bad enough that me and a couple of other mates stopped being friends with her. This all happened a few years ago and we’ve all moved on with our lives, but I found out recently that she’s living by herself, and a friend of my mum’s said she seems lonely. I’ve started to feel bad in that she probably wouldn’t have told that lie unless she was feeling really messed up and desperate, and that maybe I should have had more empathy at the time. Should I reach out to her? I don’t necessarily want to start up a close friendship again because I think that ship has sailed, but maybe being in contact again would make everyone feel better? My husband thinks I should leave it in the past, but we’ve all grown up a bit since it happened and I just want to feel like I’ve done the right thing. What do you think? Coleen says, I think this is a nice idea and if nothing comes of it or your former friend tells you to sling your hook, at least you’ll feel better letting it go. All you have to say initially is that you’ve been wanting to reconnect for a while to find out how she’s doing and that you hope she’s OK. One conversation might be enough for you both and you’ll agree to let bygones be bygones, or maybe you’ll want to catch up occasionally or reconnect on social media, but it doesn’t mean you have to go back to being close friends. Reaching out could make a big difference to her if she’s feeling stuck, as well as giving you the chance to close that chapter in a better way. Maybe she’ll feel less bad about her part in what happened and it’ll help her to move forward in some way. I’ve always believed in forgiveness because it frees you from holding on to negativity, bitterness or resentment. Of course, it doesn’t mean you forget what’s happened or that you need to keep people in your life who’ve let you down, but it does bring you peace. And, who knows, maybe if you make this first move, then your other friends will follow. Coleen’s words of wisdom Sometimes, getting through a challenging period in your life is your whole purpose. Don’t put pressure on yourself to thrive or grow or build, just focus on the basics – take things a day at a time, rest, and look after your mind and body.