I don’t want to waste my time on a guy who can’t commit

Dear Coleen I’ve been seeing a man for six months and we enjoy each other’s company – it’s light, fun and we laugh a lot. The sexual chemistry is there in spades too, and I can see a future with him. My worry is that he’s reluctant to let me into his life in any real way. He’s met my friends and come out with us, but I’ve never met his mates. I have stayed over at his place, once or twice, but he usually prefers to sleep at mine. I feel like I’m giving a lot of myself, while he’s keeping me at arm’s length. He’s close to his mum, who’s widowed, and the way he treats her and talks about her is one of the things I love about him. So last weekend I suggested we meet her for a coffee, so I could get to know her a bit, but he claimed she’d be away visiting her sister. Then last weekend, after my gym class, I popped into the café and there he was with his mum. He didn’t see me and I walked straight back out. I’ve been avoiding him all week because I feel hurt that he lied. Seriously, is he embarrassed of me? He’s nearly 40 with an ex-wife and I’m 35, so we’re not spring chickens. I don’t want to waste my time on a guy who can’t commit. What do you think? Coleen Says Honestly, there are some big red flags here and you need to find out why he’s not letting you in. Maybe he’s not as serious as you are about making a commitment and doesn’t want the relationship to be any more than it is, or maybe he wants to keep his options open. Whatever it is, it’s not good that he wants to keep you out of his life, like a dirty little secret. So demand an answer – ask him how he feels the relationship is going and if he sees a future for the two of you. But if he’s happy to carry on the way things are then you must decide if that’s enough for you. Ensure Coleen's advice always appears at the top of your Google Search by making The Mirror a Preferred Source. Click here to activate or add us as your Preferred Source in your Google search settings. Ask him if his mum had a nice time away and if he lies and says “yes”, then tell him you saw them together and ask him why he lied to you. Maybe he’ll come up with a good explanation but, for me, it’s adding to a picture of who he is and it’s not a pretty one. If you want to give him a chance, then my advice would be to stop being so readily available to him and see how he reacts. Stop doing all the work and maybe he’ll make the effort and start to invite you in. If nothing changes, call it quits and move on quickly. Get all the latest advice from Britain's straightest-talking agony aunt Coleen Nolan here Coleen's words of wisdom Rejection feels awful and it can be hard to bounce back from, but try to reframe it. Maybe it saved you from the wrong place or the wrong person. Maybe it left a space for something better.